Post by A Famous Sports Reporter
We are sorry to report that Team Alaska did not win the Birkie Giant Ski World Championships. The team didn’t even win its first heat.
Team Alaska – consisting of three Fairbanksans, two former Fairbanksans, and one honorary Fairbanksan -- entered the competition with high hopes.
“I really thought we could win it all,” said disappointed team captain Corrine Leistikow. “We trained and everything. Well, we didn’t train on giant skis, since they won’t let you do that, but we got all lined up and practiced our cadence and counting. It was heartbreaking to lose like that!”
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| Practicing our cadence in a line |
The Birkie Giant Ski championships are held every year in Hayward, Wisconsin, in conjunction with the American Birkebeiner, a week of ski events culminating in a 50-kilometer ski race. It is the most attended yearly ski race in North America. Even though the Birkie is big, the Giant Ski championships are even bigger. Well, the skis are. Teams of six people are strapped to a pair of 25-foot skis. Then they must race 50 yards down Main Street in Hayward to cheering throngs of fans. The race is so competitive only 30 teams are allowed to compete.
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| The top two teams line up for the final. The team on the right, The Tree Schoolers won the competition |
In addition to Leistikow, the other two Fairbankans on Team Alaska were Eric Troyer (Leistikow’s husband) and Chel Ethun. Also on the team were Riley Troyer (former Fairbanksan and son of Troyer and Leistikow), Susie Rivard (former Fairbanksan) and Siri Smithback (honorary Fairbanksan). Gordo Freeman (Siri’s husband) served as team photographer.
Team Alaska practiced hard and even discussed strategies before the race such as whether they could double pole and whether they should practice their lunge in case of a close race.
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| The volunteers get racers strapped into their bindings |
Unfortunately, the finish wasn’t close in their first heat. Team Alaska was paired with the Twin Lakes Tap Titans. Team Alaska thought they had a good chance against that team since the average age of the members was 71 years old.
The downfall of Team Alaska was foreshadowed when mere seconds before the race start, Susie turned to Eric and said, “Are we pointed in the right direction?” Eric looked up and saw that the team was pointing slightly cockeyed. “I think it will be all right,” Eric replied. But then the countdown started and there was no time for adjustments anyway.
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| The photographer captures the moment when Susie voices her concerns to Eric |
From the back, Team Alaskan coxswain Riley Troyer yelled out “Left! Right! Left! Right!” And the team was off!
Quickly, Alaska gained a lead on the Titans, and it looked like they could take they heat. But soon Alaska started veering toward the Titans. The announcer watched in horror as Alaska started cutting off the Titans and worse.
“They’re checking them into the boards!” he yelled.
Leistikow said she tried to steer the team straight but was overpowered by the juggernaut of the team’s overwhelming momentum. Then she started yelling for the team to stop, but her voice, normally a commanding presence, was drowned out by the cheers of the crowd (estimated at more than 100,000) and the cadence chants of the teams.
The inevitable finally happened. Alaska crashed into the Titans, shoving them up against the fence at the side of the street. Several members of both teams went down. The announcer, shocked by the bloodthirsty violence, cried out that such tactics had never been seen before in the 1,000-year history of the Birkie Giant Ski championships.
See the live action on this video
Amazingly, Alaska wasn’t immediately disqualified from the heat. Apparently what they did isn’t specifically outlawed by the race rules. So, race volunteers helped up the fallen members and while Alaska got themselves pointed in the right direction, the wily coyotes of the Titans (the wisdom of all that age paid off!) took off and headed for the finish line.
The crash seemed to reinvigorate Team Alaska, which sprinted down the course at an even faster cadence than when they started.
“I really thought we could still take them,” Leistikow said. “If we had had another 20 yards, we could have done it!”
Alaska crossed the finish line just behind the Titans, having made up quite a bit of distance, though not enough. Fortunately, the Titans were good sports at the end of the heat and didn’t immediately attack the Alaskans. There were even smiles and laughing all around. Must be Birkie fever.
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| The two teams share a laugh and camaraderie at the end of their heat |
However, a protest was later filed. And while it was shrouded in secrecy, rumor had it that the Titans claimed that they should be given another chance given the dirty deeds of the Alaskans, who clearly were still uncivilized despite being part a full-fledged state since 1959. Unfortunately for the Titans, the protest was thrown out.
“Maybe we should give it back to the Russians,” one unhappy bystander was heard complaining.
The announcer soon started comparing Team Alaska to the Exxon Valdez.
Eric Troyer was philosophical about the loss. Back in Fairbanks he is a member of the SCUM and Leistikow is an honorary member.
“I think if the SCUM had been watching, they would have been proud at the unbridled incompetence we showed,” Troyer said. “I would love to see what havoc a SCUM Giant Ski team could let loose down here.”
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