post by Corrine
“I feel that as I’m getting older, it’s harder to get outside of my comfort zone. I used to just take off on adventures and wing it, but now I plan and worry more.”
Ryan told me this as we were having Mexican food together in Boulder, Colorado. Ryan Van Duzer is a YouTuber who encourages people to get outside. He goes on many bikepacking adventures, which is how I found him online. I started following him and became a Patreon of his. I finally met him in person in 2023 at RAGBRAI (Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa). I had lunch with him on a recent trip to Boulder, where he lives.
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| Photo with Ryan on a cold, snowy Boulder day |
Ryan was talking to me about a 250-mile running race that he was going to do in early May. He has done several 100-mile running races, but this was a big step up. His comment about getting outside the comfort zone resonated with me. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling this past year. I still want to push myself but it’s getting harder. It was validating to hear Ryan say the same thing, especially since he is 20 years younger. We both decided that as we get older, we should push outside our comfort zones even if it is harder to do. Life is short, we should savor new experiences and keep having them.
“Life is short” is a refrain I kept thinking about on my recent trip to Colorado.
I headed to Colorado in mid-April to see my friend, Betsy, who was diagnosed with an aggressive glioblastoma (brain tumor) 18 months ago. She had treatment with surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, but a couple of months ago the tumor came back with a vengeance. We have no idea how much time she has left, and I wanted a chance to see her one more time. So, I booked a ticket to Colorado as soon as I could.
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| Betsy two years ago when she came up to do a fat bike trip in the White Mountains |
Life is not just short; sometimes it’s not fair. Betsy is only 46, married with two young children. She was always going off on adventures, from bikepacking to climbing, snowboarding, packrafting, and surfing. I am amazed at how many adventures she has already had in her 46 years. But this tumor has drastically changed her life, stealing from her many of the activities she used to love.
A few days before she was diagnosed, she had done the hardest rock climb of her life. But now her vision and balance are poor. Her strength has diminished. And she is fatigued a lot of the time. Life can change on a dime at any time. I’ve seen this many times as a doctor. One day a patient is fine and then the next day, due to illness or an accident, their life is vastly different. Then they must change expectations and goals. It can be incredibly hard.
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| Betsy's body is giving out but her spirit is strong- Steroids have caused puffiness |
Betsy has had to do this over and over for the past year-and-a-half. First, she couldn’t climb any more. Then it was harder to bike. Now some days she barely has energy to get out of bed. Yet, she still has her adventurous spirit, and she still pushes her limits as she can. In the past, we might have taken off for an overnight mega bike trip. She can’t do that anymore, but she can still have fun, smaller adventures. And we did. While I was there, we went for a walk, did a weightlifting session, attended her daughter’s art exhibit and went out for dinner. And binge watched a new show on Netflix.
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| Pizza dinner with Betsy and her family |
On my trip, I also spent time with friends, Jill and Beat, who live in the hills above Boulder. They recently bought a home in France and will soon be spending most of their time there. I was glad to visit them again before they move, and get in a bike ride with Jill. Although they still plan to visit us in Alaska, you never know. Beat is not an American citizen. Will he be allowed back if he leaves? Most likely but who knows given the current political situation? Life is short. It’s important to spend time with the people we care about.
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| Always good to spend time with Jill and Beat |
I brought my gravel bike to Colorado so I could get in some longer training rides. It was great to bike in warmer temperatures and feel the sun after the long Fairbanks winter. And to see green grass and flowers blooming. And the biking infrastructure in Boulder is amazing. So many bike paths. So many people out on bikes. So easy to bike around town and the surrounding area. But the altitude kicked my butt. Boulder is at 5400 feet. Jill and Beat live at the top of Flagstaff Road at 7200 feet. Any ride from their house involves a lot of climbing just to get back home! Good for training but exhausting. I ended up driving to the start of one of my rides (after seeing Betsy) just so I didn’t have to do the 1800-foot climb again!
While in Boulder I also met with Chad of Corvid Cycles who makes custom titanium bikes. A friend in Fairbanks had bought one of his bikes and let me try it out last summer. I was sold. I’ve been thinking about a new hardtail mountain bike for bikepack adventures for about three years and I was finally ready to order one. It will cost a pretty penny, but I reminded myself that life is short. If a new bike makes my life more enjoyable, I should buy one. Plus, I ride my bikes a lot. My current mountain bike is over 12 years old with more than 40,000 miles on it. And this one would have a Pinion Gates belt drive. Goodbye to derailleurs and chain lube! I was glad to have the chance to meet Chad in person to discuss specifics. My new bike won’t be ready until fall, but that’s okay as I’ll be gone most of the summer on my Trans Am Bike Nonstop US adventure.
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| Corvid Cycles Sojourner bike that I just ordered |
I’ve been questioning my decision to do this race. I’m getting anxious and worrying about all the details. While Ryan told me his worries of his upcoming 250-mile running race, I told him about my worries of the Trans Am. Am I too old to do it? Will my body hold up? Am I in good enough shape? Will I be able to climb the hills with the gearing on my bike? Can I meet my goals? Can I deal with any mechanicals? Like Ryan, I feel like I’m stressing more about challenges like this as I get older.
I stressed about these same things when I was younger, but it feels different now. I’ve had many older patients who start to worry more as they age. I’ve always wondered why. They’ve lived through many difficult challenges and have had long vibrant lives. They’ve made it through all the hard times. They shouldn’t be worrying more now. Yet they do. And now I feel like I’m starting to do the same thing. Is it that my mortality is staring me in the face? The end of my life is closer than it was twenty years ago. When I was younger, I didn’t think much about how long I had left to live. But now there’s less of life ahead than there is behind. Who knows. Are we all scared, at least a little, about growing old and having our lives change?
Or maybe it’s because I know what can go wrong, and I feel less equipped to deal with adversity when it comes my way. But that makes no sense either. I’ve overcome adversity in the past, why wouldn’t I be able to do it now? Maybe I keep trying to do hard things because it helps build resilience for the unknown adversities in my future. I may not be ready, and I may not have all the answers, but I can keep moving forward. Is that it? So many questions and no clear answers. Why do I keep doing going outside my comfort zone and causing myself this stress?
In the end, I guess I do it because life IS short. If I don’t do these hard things now, I might never do them. I’m not quite ready to give up pushing myself. And I don’t want to have regrets that I didn’t at least try while I still could. Life WILL change and even though I will still be able to push my limits in the future, those limits will be different. My comfort zone will get smaller.
It scary to think about this, but it’s going to happen one day whether I like it or not. All I can do is keep moving forward and pushing on. Like Betsy, I should try to live every day to the fullest that I can. And because “life is short”, when June 1 arrives, I’ll get on my bike and start pedaling east and just figure it out as I go.
